Rachelle Writes

Oh, the Folly of Wives

2012-02-08T12:14:00.000-08:00

I saw a photo of Gisele Bundchen talking to Tom Brady after the Super Bowl and thought, wow, she looks like a German frau and not a supermodel. Yes, a pretty German frau, but a wife, not an underwear model. I'd glanced over headlines like this one: Gisele Bundchen reportedly asks friends and family to pray for Tom Brady and felt a little bad for her, that the news media was creating a media frenzy over a perfectly normal request.

And then the Patriots lost the Super Bowl and Gisele was overheard blaming the Pats receivers and all media hell broke loose. Now even a Giants' running back has joined in and given Gisele some good advice: "Shut up." I hope for the sake of her husband's career and her marriage and peace of mind, she can follow that advice. Because it isn't always easy advice to follow.

I am also an opinionated wife, predisposed to say too much, and to turn into a Rottweiler when I think my husband is undervalued, overworked, or just not properly appreciated. (And that is perhaps where any similarities between Mrs. Brady and me end.) And I'm not the only one. I don't know very many wives who think their husbands are paid enough (though I hope Gisele knows better), don't work hard enough, or are appreciated for their full merit.

We may at times be right. But the best advice I have for Gisele, expanding on Brandon Jacobs, is the advice I think all wives should benefit from: be careful, very careful when you weigh in on your man's career. There is a time and a place to work together and make decisions about his livelihood (and yours), but the best support you can give is to believe in him as a person and supporting and trusting him to look out for himself out there.

I'm always honored when my husband asks for my advice on something he's written or a situation at work. I hope he keeps asking. I suspect he will if I can always remember that mine is just one piece of advice. He can compile it with others and make a decision, sometimes a decision that runs contrary to what I said. Likewise, I ask him for advice on work I'm doing knowing him to be wise and knowledgeable. But in the end, the decision has to be mine because I'm accountable for the results.

Somehow, I don't think Gisele knows best how to do Tom Brady's job and in a less heated moment she would know the Patriots' receivers wanted to catch those balls. She's just being a wife.

The Terror of Potty-Training

2012-02-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

Several weeks ago, Everleigh began asking to use the potty. Both Mike and I responded with "NOOOOO." It seems Ev may be ready to potty-train, but her parents are not prepared to do their part. Fortunately, we have help this time around. So we took her to sit on the potty several times a day while Kyrie was at her grandparents but we were slow and unenthusiastic and she didn't have success.

This weekend, I brought the second little seat out of storage and set it up. And yesterday, she told us she had to use the potty and Kyri and I helped her and she had immediate results. There was much clapping and cheering. Today, she got up and took off her diaper and used it herself. So I pulled out the new underwear and Kyrie is taking the direct supervising role while I nervously wait to help and handle cleanup duty.

There is nothing that terrifies and exhausts me as much as potty training. And while it all appears hopeful at this state, I have this sinking suspicion that my hopes will be crushed. Fortunately, I have a happy helper who thinks potty training is FUN. More power to her.

Girls, Girls

2012-01-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

This little clip was taken last week; Everleigh loves to dance but is very particular about the music. I'm not a great videographer, but the sister relationship is something to note.

Kyrie is gone this week at her grandparents' and we have been much amused by her and Everleigh's long, sisterly phone conversations. We can make out some of Ev's end of the conversation, but Kyrie seems to understand all of it.

Kyrie is a fabulous caregiver and her first question to me is always: "How's your foot, Mom?" I can hardly wait to kiss her! She calls often, despite the fact that she is obviously having a wonderful time.

Everleigh has managed to get in a lot more trouble while Kyrie has been away. She is great at moving the step-stool and getting into things she isn't supposed to. I heard her making contented noises in the kitchen and found her happily eating a bar of butter. She loves to eat and I'm going to work hard to encourage good exercise habits.

She loves her fats.

Snow Progression

2012-01-24T19:50:00.000-08:00

Snow Day 1 (Light snow)

Snow Day 2 (Really, it isn't Minnesota):


Our driveway

Day 3 (Ice, Ice Baby):

The first casualty but just a beginning.

And then the power went out while I'd been neglecting laundry. And then it got cold and dark and there were no more photos.

Hobble, Hobble

2012-01-23T17:02:00.000-08:00

We returned home yesterday from our escape to a place with electricity and internet. Our house was warm and everything was in fine order. I managed to get in six loads of laundry before running to do errands. While out, I managed to twist my foot. I was talking to people and rather than fall, I caught myself by wrenching my foot probably making it worse. Sometimes it is better to take the fall than let your pride mess you up worse.

I came home with some minor pain, but nothing major. As the evening progressed it became more and more painful until it couldn't even touch anything without intense pain. I crawled to bed. I took pain killers. I have iced it. This is not fun.

Fortunately, it has gotten a little better through the day.

I feel like I'm being asked to consider all those things that I take for granted. I'm really thankful for a working body. What a blessing! I'd like it back please.

Oh, the Peace, oh the Cold, oh the "Let's Leave this Place."

2012-01-20T19:48:00.000-08:00

It was beautiful, it was peaceful, it was hot chocolate and fires and stories. And then the power went off and people started getting antsy because they had no idea what was happening in the world, because they were supposed to be scheduling a meeting and flights, and because the TV wouldn't work and the lights wouldn't turn on.

We read by firelight and went to bed early and the parents took turns waking up every hour to keep wood on the fire, until we didn't and it went out for a while. And the house was down into the 50s and we kept thinking, any minute, the power would come on. Except for when we called the power company they couldn't even give an estimate for our zip code which gave us pause.

And then today after more than 24 hours of fun, the power company said it could be another couple of days but the good news was we would get $50 credit on our bill if we went 120 hours without power. And the fun was over! Really, 120 hours. With temperatures in the high 20s and low 30s (it is warmer now). Really!

And we thought of all the people we love and all of the people who would host us and headed to Portland for a hotel where we could all have a bed and be warm and take endless baths and swim in the pool and get online and watch tv.

And thus ended, a nearly 3-week stretch in which we lived within our budget. It was nice while it lasted. But I have to say, these beds are comfy.

Let it Snow!

2012-01-18T11:08:00.000-08:00

I'm looking out at a over a foot of snow and it is still coming down. Mike's office closed (historic) and he is out shoveling snow and making a snow fort with the kids. Ben is bundled beyond belief and still "Really COLD" and Kyrie is ill-equipped and not one complaint. I am quite content to be inside looking out.

This day was needed. I was thinking about winter yesterday and what a good season it can be for rest and reflection when we allow our bodies and minds to slow down a little. That's hard to do in our modern society but we were made to have a season of less productivity and more rest. I'm enjoying what a snow day is bringing to our family and hopeful everyone is safe out there.

Tonight we have a movie night planned with popcorn and The Wizard of Oz. Last night Mike, Ben, and I watched Moneyball and really enjoyed it.

We will post more photos later.

Goals: Family (Part 1: My Parenting)

2012-01-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

I've taken the last week or so to think about some of my goals and one area that I moved to the top was parenting. If you are following these goal categories, I guess you could call it "family goals." Which is a great topic. But for the present I need to focus on my end of it, which is parenting.

It is clear to me that I got bogged down quickly this fall and became the parent I don't want to be. When I get tired, my parenting becomes whiny (instead of firm), loud (instead of action-based), and anything but playful. I am not good at playing with my kids ever, but I do make intentional moves to be more fun. I have a close friend who remembers a childhood in which her mother was forever cleaning the house and never happy with it, never playing with her kids, and not any fun. I am that mother. My friend's house is frequently a disaster, but yesterday when it snowed, she took her kids sledding. I do believe in balance; kids should learn to be responsible and take care of their things, but I tend toward the uptight "Pick up your toys NOW" mother. My own mother was great at taking time to play with us. But we also played outside more as children than our kids do (our kids fall victim to weather and suburbia) which had to have helped give my mother time on her other projects indoors.

When I'm exhausted, I'm too tired to engage in art or science projects that create more work. And I also stop teaching my kids how to help me because it is easier just to scoot them out of the way and get it done faster. I know some things that work; I just need to do them again. So, here goes:

1) Be intentional and clear-headed about my parenting.

Reassess monthly what is and is not working and realign my parenting to a model I can be proud of. I have an hour set up on my calendar to this each month.
Re-read two parenting books this year. (The first will be How to Pray for Your Children which I'm cross-listing with my spiritual goals. Parenting books inspire me and learning from others is essential to growth.)
Do my best to retreat and regroup when I am failing. My oldest two understand that I have to step outside and walk around the driveway sometimes. They encourage it. I need to do it sooner before my rope is hopelessly frayed.

2) Balance fun and responsibility.

Be patient and teach the older two to step up their help around the house. Continue to reinforce picking up her own toys with the 2-yr old. And be ready to potty-train her when I see signs of readiness.
Try to play at least one game (board or outside) a week.
Continue to motivate responsible behavior with rewards without bribing.

Snow! Snow! Snow!

2012-01-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

Riding Bikes

2012-01-13T18:05:00.000-08:00

January 12

2012-01-12T17:17:00.000-08:00

Birthday Boy

2012-01-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Ben! You've Come Along Way in 8 Years!

2012-01-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

Goals and Tasks

2012-01-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

I recently finished Donald Rumsfeld's book Known and Unknown. In addition to being a breathtakingly up close and personal look at 50 years of American history, Rumsfeld is the guy to read if you want to know how to set and accomplish your goals. (Forget the self-help books on the subject; here is a guy who did it, repeatedly. He also beats the self-helps because he doesn't start out with "I set a goal to make a million dollars before I turned 30. I did it and so can you.") The book is back at the library but Rumsfeld wrote something to this effect: Be certain to make sure your strategy to meet your objective doesn't become the objective. You need to constantly re-evaluate if what you are doing is still taking you toward meeting your goal; if it isn't reexamine the strategy and find something that works.

I tend to get bogged down in one of two extremes.

1) I set goal after goal without any strategy as to how I'll meet that goal. I love lofty goals; generally the tasks required are where I get lost. A common problem among dreamers, those folks who buy all the "how to" books but never lose a pound, pay down their debt, or put anything toward retirement. They keep buying the get rich books but ignoring the reality that they are going to have to live like paupers and work like bees to get anywhere. I am that woman who talks about how she is going to lose some weight while downing a piece of pie. (And I don't mean the European-sized slice.)

or

2) I get so task-driven I fail to keep in mind the goal while driving everyone in my family insane. This one is easier for me to work out on others, particularly my children. After a nice couple of weeks off school, Ben started his math yesterday and the griping and complaining started and I was ready to put him on the bus to go to school by the time Mike came home. I had some time to myself last night and it started to hit me that Ben is good at math and that his math curriculum is very busy and written for the poorest math student who just can't seem to "get it." Today I pulled out his lesson and realized that he was working nearly every day on concepts he learned two years ago. And doing boring, repetitious problems to boot. Years ago, my teachers recognized I didn't need to do ALL of the problems; why couldn't I figure this out? Because I was task-driven. You must finish this lesson; you must finish this book by the end of the year. (Oh, we're behind.) So I killed two birds with one stone and crossed out half of two lessons. He took liberties and crossed out some more hoping I wouldn't notice but quickly acquiesced. And was quite delighted to double up his progress and skip a bunch of busy work.

In years past, my goal-setting has gone something like this:

Get more exercise.
Eat healthier.
Waste less time.

There is no strategy included and no way for me to be able to meet those goals if I don't have a plan.

So this year, I'm going beyond goal-setting and developing strategies to help me meet my goals. Which is far more challenging.

To Be Continued....

Leaving Behind What is Past and Pressing On

2012-01-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

I love New Year's. Because I love new beginnings and usually I can go 20 minutes into a new year and claim to be sin-free for that time period. (I didn't make it that long this time because I was bitter and angry at 12:00am at the New Year's revelers destroying my sleep and waking my daughters. Sigh. Next year.)

Life has moved so quickly that I have felt a huge loss (when I've had time to feel anything) at having no time for introspection and reflection. Starting in about August I felt like a jet engine revving its engine and going down a 4-month long runway without ever taking off.

There is little rest in this life I lead and it was December 23 when I had everything done for my family's arrival (that was going to get done) and we went to celebrate my mom's birthday that I started feeling the tension leaking out of my body and realized how overwrought I've been. The last ten days have been exactly that for me...a slow leak of all the exhaust from my jet engine. I came down with a cold that has progressed to a cough. But I moved at a much slower pace and told myself nothing had to be done. We ate simpler and had friends over while telling them I wasn't doing elaborate preparations and "please don't use the upstairs bathroom." (Smile.) Mike took last week off and helped with the girls. I rested. I read a book, watched The Pacific with Mike, I slept in. We just relaxed about the very tight budget and agreed to use our savings for a few things we needed.

Now that period is coming to an end and I'm looking down the road to a new year and a new season. I'm not going to make resolutions per se. But I will be setting goals, following a friend's brilliant example. I have some work to do yet but Goal no. 1 is:

Cool my jets. Slow down. Be simple.

So the practical application is that I'm giving myself some time to set other goals. Stay tuned.

Surprised by Oxford

2012-01-01T20:48:00.000-08:00

I just finished Carolyn Weber's excellent book Surprised by Oxford.

Yes, that's a little take on C.S. Lewis who definitely haunts Oxford to this day. But the book is about a Canadian girl who wins a scholarship to attend Oxford and discovers faith there. The book is a memoir, written beautifully by woman with a DPhil degree in Romantic Literature. It also serves as a great apologetics book by a masterful mind wrestling with becoming a Christian and discovering that she is surrounded by other brilliant minds who love this Jesus.

She arrives in England in the fall of 1994, the same fall that I spent a semester in nearby London (and visited Oxford). Her writing on so many things stirred memories in me, even her comments on the weather. I particularly loved when she wrote about having someone clean her room, a very strange thing for American students. I remember being a little uncomfortable to having someone empty the trash in my room, dust, and bring me clean sheets. (But I got used to it.)

Loved, loved, loved this book.

Birthday Fun

2011-12-28T20:37:00.000-08:00

My brother flew in on the 22nd and my parents came up on December 23rd so we could all be together for Mom's (insert big birthday no.) birthday. I have the use of free passes to the Washington State History Museum and we really enjoyed a very good museum. Afterwards, we took a quick walk across The Chihuly Bridge. Then to our favorite family restaurant, The Old Spaghetti Factory. And back home for cake and candles and singing.

Think you can figure out how old Mom turned?

On her birthday on the Chihuly Bridge in Tacoma

Chihuly glass

Chihuly Bridge

Ode to Christmas

2011-12-27T12:51:00.000-08:00

Headed to get the Christmas tree

Ready to cut

This is the one!

My new red wall(s)

Oh Merry Merry Christmas!

Should have made sure their hair was pulled back so you could see their eyes.

The little doggie that has been Ev's constant companion since she opened it.

Ben--who instantly engrossed himself in his gifts tuning everything else out.

Kyrie helps EVERYone open their gifts.

How Christmas Teaches Me I Will Never Be Enough (and That's Okay)

2011-12-25T07:23:00.000-08:00

I come from a family that is modest about gifts and famous for agreeing not to give gifts. I married into a family that really DOES Christmas. Every year I try to remember that I'm dealing with major Christmas lovers here....And every year, I'm outdone.

My family likes ease-gift bags. My husband wants to wrap everything and will come home with four rolls of Christmas wrap.

This year, we bought each other Groupon gifts. I printed the certificates and put them in a plain white envelope. He printed a description, and gift-wrapped it. And this after telling me he was getting me a notebook computer for Christmas and painting my wall red (which was all I asked for). I will never outgive him. I will never out-package him.

He is always happy with whatever I've come up with. (I'd told him about both of his gifts, so no surprises.) He still is surprised and delighted.

This year I'm hit with why that is really what Christmas is for all of us. We will never outgive God. We will never get it right, but He is always delighted with our efforts. In wrapping and substance, His gift has inspired the imagination of the world, even as most reject Him.

Today, as we celebrate Him, be thankful that He delights to be the great Gift Giver in your life.

Everleigh

2011-12-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

I was recently asked if I could post a video of Everleigh. Of course!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

2011-12-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

Ben and I met friends downtown Olympia last night for the Messiah Sing Along. To say that we live in an unchurched community is an understatement. Downtown Olympia is a godless place that makes me feel bleak whenever I go there.

So imagine my surprise to find myself in a crowd of 1,000 people all singing "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain" and "Lord God omnipotent reigneth." It was pretty amazing. The words to the Messiah are powerful and amazing. To hear all the voices singing them in unison and be in Olympia and hear the conductor say "We are here to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Savior." Well that was cool.

Ben was transfixed by the orchestra (easily 150 strong) that included children as young as 13.

It has been so long since I read music or sang parts. It actually depressed me to think how musically uneducated our churches have become. (But that is NOT my post.) It took me a little bit to remember it (still can't read music well) and also revisit that I am NOT a soprano.

When it was all over, I took Ben for some chocolate cake and he regaled the waitress with football stats. She had never heard of "The Messiah" (the opera). Duly horrified.

Ben thinks he would like to go again next year; I bought the HUGE score so we will be ready.

I'm So Busy....

2011-12-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

...That I recently told Mike that I had to find something to cut from my life. (The children? Just kidding, Ben.)

So it was with a bit of surprise that I found myself saying "of course" when the assistant to one of the people I book travel for called to say that my budget had been raised significantly for the coming year; could I take on more work? Apparently, it has been determined I save money and in an effort to bring some uniformity to the process and let those with big salaries spend their time elsewhere, they want to have me do more.

And while it sounds crazy to take on more, I did clarify it with the response that most of my work would be done at a certain time when I have help with childcare. The outlet is good for my mental health and we've come to rely more and more on the little income I do bring in. 2012 is no time to be turning down income opportunities.

Meanwhile, as to what to give up: There's this travel blog I write that and I'm not sure anyone is reading. I can certainly write less. And if I really start making the big time, I would gladly pay for someone to clean my house. (smile)

And It Has Come to My Attention....

2011-12-14T22:44:00.000-08:00

...That Ben knows how to check and read this blog. (Hi Ben!)

He gave it away when he asked me this week if "The Parent Getaway" was still my last post. My chin must have dropped and I made him repeat the question while I steadied myself. I know he can read, I know he can use the computer, I know he can hack our passwords (he showed me how he got into his dad's email), but I had no idea he cared.

And now I have writer's block. (As well as no time.)

A serious post on this later. Or maybe I'll have Ben take the blog over.

The Parent Getaway

2011-12-10T21:59:00.000-08:00

View from the Prom in front of our hotel

Thanks to my wonderful mother, Mike and I escaped for a quick break from our tremendously busy lives early this week. I used my fabulous Groupon Getaway to go to a great little place in Seaside, Oregon. Life has been fast and furious during this season and I thought I might rejuvenate and get some new perspective on some challenges I am facing with the kids right now. In reality, we would have to go away for much longer than two days to get that accomplished. But it was lovely. We managed to hit cold but sunny weather. And even though it was in the 30s and 40s, there was very little wind for the Oregon Coast. We particularly enjoyed a walk by Haystack Rock at low tide in Cannon Beach.

Starfish by Haystack Rock, Cannon Beach

Beautiful afternoon in Cannon Beach

Rachelle

Heron

Mike

Haystack Rock

Pacific Ocean

The Kiss

My 2-year old

2011-12-07T14:08:00.000-08:00

My little girl turned 2 this week. We celebrated over the weekend with balloons and cake and presents. Sadly, my camera battery wasn't charged so my dad has some photos.

Everleigh is The Cuddliest of three very cuddly children. It started to appear she would love to continue nursing well into grade school so she is the only one of my babies I had to cut off. The other two happily quit on their own well before this. This morning she came asking to nurse and I told her she was a big girl and we would read a book and cuddle. She grumped and then accepted it and moved on. I expect it will take a few more days.

Everleigh divides all people and animals into mommies, daddies, and babies. She feels it is important to identify everything she sees. She loves to eat. A lot, all the time, And she loves to entertain us.

Her cognitive skills, particularly her verbal skills and comprehension, continue to amaze us. She is her sister's constant companion and these days she loves books, writing and coloring, and playing with her new baby.

Say Anything

2011-12-01T22:37:00.000-08:00

A man I used to work with passed away suddenly this summer from a brain tumor. He was a saintly man, a quiet Christian who just did his job and loved the out of doors. For years, he stayed in touch at Christmas. I only learned of his death just over a month ago and when I learned, I sent a card and note to his widow.

Yesterday I received a 10-page letter from his wife, along with a program from his funeral, and another from a memorial service. She reminded me that her daughter had gone to college with my cousin Shannon (who was murdered in 1996) and that she had felt she knew me from what her husband had told her and our Christmas letters.

I have learned one thing about grief. I haven't always said the right thing and there are very wrong things to say to grieving people. I know I've said them. But from being on the other end, the one right thing you can always do is to reach out and remember the wonderful things about the person they loved. I'm glad I could do that this time.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-26T18:03:00.000-08:00

The Turkey Meister

Potential Assistants

Once again, the Chief Asst. job goes to Kyrie

She is happy to get up in the morning and not afraid of blood and guts.

Proud of her work

A beautiful bird and I'm told it was delicious.

Where Have We Been?

2011-11-21T14:29:00.000-08:00

Ben & Dawson

Ev was a little worried when I left the room and she was being "loved on" by McKenzie.

2nd Cousins

Captured with a lot of personality.

Disney on Ice (Toy Story 3) on November 12th. It was a Christmas surprise for our Toy Story lovin' kids. I didn't bother with a camera because when we went to the circus they didn't allow photography. This time we were told we were welcome to take photos and I didn't have a camera. Ah well.
Mike's been on a speaking tour. 900 miles, three events in five days. We went along most of the way on the last one. He left us in Walla Walla where we visited and stayed with my grandma while Mike went on another couple of hours. We did have a chance to visit with my cousin Hilary and her husband Kris and their two kids, Dawson, 6, & Mckenzie, 4. I forgot my camera. Hilary took pictures. Yay.

All I Want for Christmas....

2011-11-16T20:25:00.000-08:00

Last night while I was off grocery shopping, Ben asked his dad to pull his tooth.

The Tooth Fairy brought a Northern Mariana Isl quarter and Ben's collection is complete.

The Things They Do and Say (That Keep Me RUNNING)

2011-11-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

Everleigh--At nearly 2, she has become a handful. A very cute one but a very busy little girl who is inclined to graffiti the walls, decorate her clothes, cut anything, and sadly, hit her sister repeatedly. We had a fun evening out last week that included dinner out. At not yet 2, Ev (and her siblings) eat enough, that we purchased her a kids' meal. I jokingly said to Mike, "Sorry Daddy, Ev's going to cost you more." Ev looked up from her plate, grinned, and said, "Sorry Daddy." She came up to her dad today and pointed to her back end and said, "Daddy, change diaper." And last night when I put her to bed during Monday Night Football, she cried, "Watch football, watch football."
Kyrie--She's a very good sister who plays happily with Everleigh. Today I made a Viking boat with Ben. We worked together while Kyrie was supposed to be napping. We cut, glued, and assembled using detailed instructions. Kyrie came downstairs, saw what we had done and had made her own without help in about half the time. She likes to tell people she's allergic to things (which she isn't). She loves to play with her dolls, changing their clothes and giving them naps and bouncing them to quiet them down. Last night she was upset the doll's pjs were too big for her. I responded that she would "grow into them." "Mom, dolls don't grow," was her response. She recently told us she wants to have her first baby at 14 and then find a husband. If you don't see her for 20 years, you'll know why. We have the rain for a moat; just need to start digging.
Ben has become a football fanatic. He spends his days reading statistics, drawing logos and asking us who we are rooting for in every game. He has also discovered smack talk and we are working to teach him that it might be fun in his fantasy football league but it doesn't extend to daily conversation. Unfortunately, he decided this year that school is not nearly as fun as football, legos, computer games, and XBox. He and Kyrie have taken to fighting, verbally and physically, and I have new respect for my mother, who gave up homeschooling me one year and sent me away she was so sick of the fighting.

I have my hands full. I'm tired.

The Things They Say

2011-11-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

I find toddlers and preschoolers baffling. I try to avoid other people's and my own have puzzled me on more than one occasion. So it is particularly nice to begin to have coherent conversations with my son. Well kind of....

Today, exhausted of hearing about NFL statistics, and a little concerned at his lack of ambition to so much as learn to ride a bike, I asked him what his dreams were. "What do you want to do someday?"

"I'd like to be a running back or wide receiver for the Seahawks. I think I'd make a good wide receiver."

Which was a little deja vu. I'm pretty sure I had that same conversation 25 years or so ago with my brother.

Then a little while later, he piped up: "Which parent did you like best as a kid, Grammy or Grandpa?"

"They were very different, but I liked them both the same. Don't you like both of your parents differently but just as much as the other?"

"No, I definitely like Dad best." And then he commenced with a well-reasoned list of why he liked his dad best, starting off with "He doesn't make me do school."

Enough conversation. I'll go make dinner now. Maybe I will take a few minutes to remind him how very few meals his father has ever made for him.

I Blog...

2011-11-09T10:29:00.001-08:00

Therefore I am.

I have no time to blog. Therefore I'm withering.

Happy Birthday Kyrie

2011-11-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, the Mystery of 7-year olds

2011-11-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Ben came to me and said, "Mom, I know something bad happened in 2001 but I'm not sure what it was."

I was stunned. I had concluded on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 that he didn't seem that aware and therefore, I would postpone that particular talk.

I started in by asking why he knew something bad had happened then. And he stringed together an interview he had read with an NFL player who had mentioned 9/11 and an illustration (not a photo) in a book he had seen of the fiery Twin Towers.

I tend to say too much and so I was hesitant. I told him it was a difficult time for our country and I was happy to talk to him about it but I wondered what he thought happened.

He thought a helicopter or maybe two hit some buildings. So I carefully told him they were airplanes and that those buildings were in New York. "Oh, so it happened in New York City."

Pause.

"Well, and the Pentagon."

"In Virginia? But you were living there then, right?"

Our conversation went a little further and then I told him that some of the details might be scary. So I would answer questions but I wanted him to be sure he was ready to know more. He decided he had heard enough for the day.

It did come back when we saw the Pentagon (and the new 9/11 Memorial) in D.C. but he has otherwise left it alone. For now.

But he will still come up with some interesting things now and then. He recently apologized for the painful delivery I went through with him. And told me he was sorry that being a woman was so painful but that it was sometimes hard to be a man too. I had to laugh. And pause to remember that he hears a lot more than we realize.

Ben likes to tell us what we want to hear. You have to really make him talk with you and it can be hard. He wants to make us happy and move on and this a quality that concerns me as we head into pre-adolescence. You want the truth so you can help them work through things. And he knows that parenting Kyrie leaves me into a pile of exhaustion by the end of the day and he would prefer not to go that route. Keep the peace is his motto.

But he is 7 and he is more emotional than usual. And he would rather play computer games and X-Box than do schoolwork.

He is becoming a little man and I am enjoying him.

My Resignation

2011-11-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

I offered my resignation as a parent tonight. Mike said he couldn't accept it. Sometimes it is really hard to quit a job.

Therefore, I have no time to blog. Or write. Or exercise. Or think.

D.C. Part 2

2011-11-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

Their dad always had a thing for Eleanor

Joining the bread line

We returned to the D.C. area the day before we flew home. Just before we caught our flight, we had the chance to walk around by a few of the memorials on a beautiful sunny fall day. We saw the new MLK Memorial and went to the Jefferson, Roosevelt (FDR), and George Mason memorials.

I'm grateful the kids are great on planes. Both ways we were told now great the kids did; we have to fly without someone commending them.

Change of Plans

2011-10-31T11:24:00.000-07:00

I've been planning a trip to Boston for a year now. A friend is living there for a year while her husband completes a Masters and I have several other friends there. I desperately miss the girl who used to go off on adventures and my husband felt I needed some time away. All systems were go. And yet, I've had the unsettling feeling for months now that the trip wouldn't happen. I couldn't put my finger on why and kept praying for something definitive.

Then our trip came up very fast to see Mike's family. I told Mike I should cancel and he didn't think so. So I pushed it back a few days. (A wonderful flight attendant friend had offered a buddy pass allowing me to be flexible.)

I was supposed to leave Saturday (Oct. 29) and I spent Tuesday and Wednesday morning wrestling with the feeling I wasn't supposed to go. My mom was coming to help Mike watch the kids, everything was set. I kept praying and then a very appropriate email came from a friend who knew I was praying about this decision. I knew I was not supposed to take this trip. I could only imagine that my family needed me and the timing was off.

So imagine my surprise to watch the news as a snowstorm hit the northeast just hours before my plane would have landed? And the person who was going to pick me up at the airport ended up in a ditch and without power. I don't own boots but today I'm watching a beautiful fall day with bright sunshine and gorgeous colors. In Washington.

I've never been to Boston in the spring. So maybe...

First Lost Tooth

2011-10-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

The tooth fairy trade

Ben lost his first tooth last Friday (10/21) in W. Virginia when his Nana asked if she could pull it out and he muttered "uh-huh" and she promptly did. I don't think he thought she was serious and he was shocked. I think someone took a photo but it wasn't me. The Tooth Fairy was not in W. Virginia at the time and then took a few days off when we returned to Washington. Ben was very pleased with his trade; a 2004 (his birth year) Iowa quarter--the only state quarter missing from his collection. He has one more quarter to complete his collection and with a second loose tooth, he is hopeful the Tooth Fairy is aware of which quarter he needs.

The Family that Gets Intestinal Flu Together

2011-10-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

Sadly, I realized I have no pictures of Mom Reitz or Alicia or Matt & Kylie....Chalk it up to a lot of drama.

We hadn't even left D.C. when Everleigh vomited all over herself in the rental car. We cleaned her up, met my aunt and uncle for lunch at Panera and Ev seemed much better. Until I smelled something...And looked over to watch diarrhea dripping onto the floor underneath her high chair. I broke the rules and entered the men's restroom to assist Mike on clean-up duty. We departed for W.V. and not 10 minutes down the road, she threw up again. We cleaned her up in a residential neighborhood and continued another hour down the road and she did it again.

Still just thinking it was something she ate, we weren't too worried. Mike and I joined Matt, Amber & Edgar in a quick trip into town on Friday and when we checked in with his mom, she told us Kyrie had thrown up but seemed fine. Kyrie proceed to throw up 9 more times over the next 11 or 12 hours; then I joined in. Then Ben, Grace, Amber...until at least a dozen people had joined us.

On Friday night everyone was all together and Charlie, Joe's girlfriend went in to labor early Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon, Alexander Michael was born, and promptly exposed to the intestinal flu by several visitors. (I think he stayed well but the pediatrician wasn't too excited when he/she found out.) Matt & Kylie (2) went home early and managed to avoid the whole thing.

The family photo and hayride never happened and poor Mike ended up doing loads and loads of laundry and emptying and reloading the dishwasher countless times (despite little eating going on). He did get sick but not as bad as most.

My bro-in-law Edgar fared the best. Apparently, being born in Mexico provides excellent immunity.

West Virginia

2011-10-27T12:38:00.000-07:00

Playing croquet with the family

Uncle Dave with Ev

Tia (Aunt) Amber & Tio (Uncle) Edgar

Grandpa & the girls

Playing

Everleigh

The girls with Ikea

Ben & Amber

Amber and my first nephew, Alexander

Joe, Charlie & Alexander

Dan, Grace & Jon (and Dave with his back to camera)

Adventures in the Capitol

2011-10-19T15:43:00.000-07:00

Flew to D.C. with three kids. Everleigh lived up to the great reputation her siblings have earned on flights. She didn't want to board the plane and had to be carried on but then she did great, napping and playing.
Ben & Kyri think flying is going to Disneyland. They were fabulous. Then they road in a taxi without car seats which was beyond cool.
We arrived at our urban hotel to find that they only had a room with a double bed in it. (I had called ahead for two and they assured me they never fill up.) So we were upgraded to a suite. A weird one. Made for hosting cocktail parties and not for having children in. One double wall-bed. We obtained a twin rollaway for Kyri, a pack-n-play for Ev, and Ben slept on the loveseat. He had a rough night, pining away about his wonderful bed. Everyone slept though which is a novelty for our children.
Today was the one stormy day in a 2-week spread. Wind, rain, and oh-my-goodness humidity. I went out to get breakfast in a sweater and came back and changed to a short sleeve shirt. We visited with Brooks and Dana and walked to Union Station. Mike is in meetings and so I asked the kids when we ventured out if they wanted to go to a museum or go back to the hotel. Ben wanted to go back to the hotel and Kyrie was all about seeing the sites. She won. So we walked from Union Station to the Capitol, past the peaceful protest against the Egyptian government, and all the way to the Museum of Natural History. Me, three kids, a stroller, and three of us needing a bathroom. Then we walked to Teaism for ginger scones and my friend Rachel met us there. I told my kids I used to have a reputation for dragging people all over urban areas on foot. They are in fear. Sadly, this was our only day here. We have a couple of hours in the morning.
Kyrie's favorite thing: The Natural History Museum, feeding the carp at Teasim, and riding in Rachel's mini-cooper without a car seat. (Oops.)
Evie's: The carp at Teaism.
Ben: Feeding the carp at Teaism.

Education vs. Indoctrination

2011-10-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

I've just spent the last two weeks teaching Ben about Islam. I told Mike this week that Ben now knows more about Islam than 95% of Americans. It was a head-trip at times and I found myself saying a lot, "Those are good things, but...". Probably the best thing about the whole exercise is that it brought a very legalistic little boy back to a key of Christian faith: "None of us can ever be good enough."

Ben is much like his mother who doesn't much like doubt. And I haven't had many doubts. But occasionally I have struggled through a dark period and asked a lot of questions. And sometimes the answers I've come away with have been quite different than where I started and just brought me into the realization that God is so much bigger than what I can wrap my head around. Ben also has done a little wrestling and he doesn't rest until he has created a safe place for himself. Which is ok. That is a very good thing to do at this age.

Over and over again I have come to the realization that I have to lay bare the reality of doubt and not wrap things up in nice little packages for my children that erase their doubts. I can do that now, but it never works in the long run. Which is why when I read this post (and the one it links to), it gave me the vocabulary to formulate my thoughts. I've witnessed so many young people (and older people in their 30s and 40s and even 50s) whose faith I believed to be solid lay it all down. It used to shock me; it has become so frequent, I'm no longer shocked. And I think it might have something to do with why I was so uncomfortable in my recent meeting with homeschooling moms. What I heard articulated was a desire to send their offspring to "safe" places that would only expose their children to lifestyles and thought with which they were comfortable. And I think that is dangerous.

Not everyone has to question the existence of God (though, I did). But the startling statistics say that those who are raised Christian are less likely to lose their faith if they go to college (for more, go here) has me wondering if those who go to college are more likely to question. And for me, questioning has always led to a deepening of faith.

Our culture has so many idols from consumerism to sexuality to create-your-own-god (in your image). The temptation as a parent is to put up walls that keep all those temptations out. But those walls can never be tall enough or thick enough. The only hope is to keep before us the blinding light of the grace of God and pray that the light keeps dancing off everyone around us. Because it shows up the darkness for what it really is.

The Alarm Clocks

2011-10-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

Our girls have become our alarm clocks this fall. Somewhere between 6:30 and 7am, and on rare and wonderful occasion, as late as 7:10am, two little girls will come padding into our bedroom. The littlest one will come to the far side and wait for me to pick her up and put her in bed. The bigger one will crawl into her dad's side. The bigger one has taken to going back to sleep for up to an hour if we can get out of the bed quietly with no lights. The little one wants to talk and play.

There have been days in the last couple of weeks where we couldn't believe it was possibly time to get up when they came in. But no, despite some very dark mornings, their internal alarm clocks are reliable.

Meanwhile, their big brother would just rather stay in bed until closer to 9am on gray, cold, rainy fall mornings. Trying to get him up, dressed, breakfasted, and doing anything before 11am is like prodding a herd of sheep. Fall has come.

The College Admissions Talk

2011-10-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

I revisited my past this last week and spoke to a group of homeschooling moms (and a few students) about preparing for college. I was excited to do it; I enjoyed the work of admissions and I wanted to give something to my homeschooling community.

It was an interesting experience and I don't know if I will do it again. I left wondering why I still don't feel like I fit with "homeschooling moms." Some of them were my age and possibly younger. I wonder sometimes if second-generation homeschoolers are homeschooling for vastly different reasons than most first-time homeschooling parents. But I have a couple of friends who are first-generation and I feel like we are all on the same wave-length. So I'm not sure why I feel a disconnect.

That never bothered me before. I always saw life from the student side and I didn't have a problem with that. But I am a mother now. And I felt like a 25-year old with them all wondering if I wasn't a little suspect.

There were different responses and not everyone reacted the same. But as I have thought of it, I've come away with a pretty certain feeling that a lot of those moms think of college as suspect. They aren't sure they trust the whole thing. I'm sure some of that is their particular views of religion and higher education. But some of it may just be unfamiliarity. I had hoped to make it seem less scary.

I also realized that it can get very unhealthy when mom can't separate being the teacher from being the parent. Students need very different things from these two roles at this stage and certainly variant counsel on colleges from the two. Having a parent (or parents) wear both hats can really put a lot of pressure on a student, as well as the parent. I'm filing that away in my mental file so that if I continue to home school through high school that I will be prepared to find a healthy separation.

Relentless

2011-10-07T12:16:00.000-07:00

That is my word for the late summer/early fall so far. It has been one thing after another. I laugh that I thought I would have more time to write. HA!

Poor Ben loves a schedule and so we have one posted. Which we never follow. And he isn't good at transitions so I've met with resistance to "Hurry, let's do school. Ev's down for a nap." He would like a mellow, predictable day and the girls pose a constant challenge to that.

Everleigh is so very affectionate. She is in that difficult stage where she wants to be understood, emotionally and verbally. When she isn't, she howls and cries. But she's happy and laughing the rest of the time.

Kyrie is a wonderful big sister and she and Everleigh spend much time together, usually annoying Ben. Kyrie wants to keep busy, busy, busy. She is counting down the days to her birthday and daily has a new update on gifts she would like.

Outside of parenting and work, my main diversion is fantasy football. Playing in a league with a lot of lawyers is interesting. Trying to work out a trade with one right now. I've wanted to stomp my foot and ask if he thinks I'm stupid. Not sure if it is because I'm not a lawyer or I'm the token "girl." But I'm not dumb.

2nd Edition

2011-09-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

Big news in our family. Mike's book (and co-writer/friend Jonathan Bechtle) is in a second edition. For more information go here:Supreme Court of Washington blog.

Fall and Football

2011-09-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Everleigh said a magic word around here: "football"! And we all said, "YAY!"

Football is an indicator of fall in our household. And it didn't really sink in for us until this last weekend. We have enjoyed summer weather (finally) all through September and between that and travel, we just now are settling in to fall.

I started up a pilates class for the first time since I was pregnant with Everleigh. I've had a pumpkin spice latte and have now traded those in for cups of tea.

The Getaway

2011-09-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

Fall is always busy for us but this one has been particularly relentless. We had previously canceled travel plans due to some economic uncertainties and while those hadn't diminished much, we needed to go away and do something fun as a family. Thus the pictures from our getaway to Crater Lake, OR and Mt. Shasta, CA.

We drove to my parents last Thursday and enjoyed a birthday meal with my dad. We came back to their house and I was getting the kids ready for the night when I noticed I was missing MY suitcase. Which was at the top of our stairs 180 miles away. My mom watched the kids while my dad, Mike, and I went to stores that stay open past 10pm to shop for replacement items for me. I am hard to please and not really coherent at that time of night so we only had minimal success.

Friday, we drove to Crater Lake National Park and enjoyed a picnic lunch there, a walk and beautiful views of the lake. (See Very Light Suitcase.) Then we took a drive through Prospect, Oregon, where my grandparents lived when my dad was born and where my dad hitchhiked with truckers back and forth to work each week as a teen. He lived up there with family friends Monday-Thursday and came home on weekends. Dad took us to Beckie's for the best huckleberry pie in the country. We saw the beautiful Rogue River Gorge and then drove to Mt. Shasta Resort in northern California. Mike learned that while California is okay with letting illegal aliens in all the time, they have a check-point on the border with Oregon to be certain you don't bring in any produce they don't want. Lame use of a nearly-bankrupt state's funds.

I had an amazing Groupon special for Mt. Shasta resort and so our family of five stayed in a lakeside chalet and I had my first facial at the spa. We also visited my cousin's condo in Lake Shastina (where my brother and parents stayed) and saw friends and family there and in Medford where we stayed a third night (Sunday). There we visited a few places important to my childhood (Lithia Park in Ashland, historic Jacksonville, and a drive by the house where my grandparents lived for most of my growing up years.

I missed my Grandpa Bigger a lot, especially when my dad would tell us stories of him skimming 6 feet off a flat-mountain called Table Rock in his little airplane and then diving off the edge to scare my dad (his passenger). I can picture the mischievous grin he would wear when this story was told. I'm grateful I could call and report on the trip to my grandmother. Having her along would have been even better.

It was a nice, but exhausting trip. Ben hasn't been interested in school and I have been playing catch-up all week while trying to get us all over the colds we picked up with the back-and-forth temperatures and road food.

Mini-Vac

2011-09-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

Lake in Central Oregon; that's my mom in the photo.

Mike & Kyrie hugging to stay warm at Crater Lake

My mom and Everleigh hugging to stay warm at Crater Lake

All of us except my brother (who would join us further south) at Crater Lake

Mike & Ev at Crater Lake

Rest stop at Stanton Park, Canyonville, OR

Letting off some steam at Stanton Park

Sisters

2011-09-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

I came in to the girls room yesterday to find them in bed reading books together. Precious. Glad my old camera is working.

On Preschool and Academics

2011-09-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

"Schoolwork is the easy way out."

We seriously considered putting Kyrie in a preschool this year. I'm thankful that the cost and timing made me hesitate long enough to read a description of the program which was entirely focused on learning letters and numbers and how to read.

I wanted Kyrie to have some time to herself but I also wanted time to get my strength back. Parenting her is a minute-by-minute test of character for me. I am constantly having to sort out where I'm teaching her valuable life lessons and where I'm attempting to control the universe, which is my prevailing sin.

But about the time I was at the point of enrolling her in preschool, I was confronted with an article (that I can't find now) about the rising generation's weaknesses and how one of the prevailing issues they will face is how to be self-directed and entrepreneurial. Why? Because their entire lives have been programmed. Their grandparents played stickball in the streets, their parents participated in Little League or took swimming lessons. They are doing it ALL. Programmed. They hit daycare running and their day is full of pre-planned activities. They sit at a table and cut and paste and paint and play organized games. Then they move on to school and when they are out in the summer, they participate in day-camps and lessons until they collapse in to bed at night.

They never encounter large gaps of time that they have to fill with their own creativity. They never have a minute to figure out how to amuse themselves. They are rarely alone. Even their time in the car when they used to have to look out the window and think has now been taken over by the in-car DVD player, the IPOD, and a host of electronic games.

And as the first of them is hitting the workforce, they want to know exactly what they are supposed to do. They aren't geared to sit in their cubicle and creatively figure out how to get something done in the most economic and efficient manner possible. They are waiting for someone to tell them how to do that. The American workforce is capable of being busy but will it be able to think?

Which brings me back to Kyrie. This little girl is so creative that I do occasionally reign her in with a workbook. If not, she will simply cut her hair or her sister's AGAIN. But she is at her best when she is helping in the kitchen or moving the duster or lining up her dolls in a row and determining who has messed up their clothes and needs to be changed and have them laundered. She loves puzzles, to color and painting...Oh my, she loves to paint.

She wants to learn her letters so we talk through them. She is learning phonics and reading by looking at the Off/On on the light switch and asking me about them. She's working on teaching herself Spanish with a CD I've given her. She knows how to use a measuring cup, how to put away the groceries and how to get her sister dressed in the morning (when she wants to).

Why would I send her off to sit and table for six hours a week and talk about the letter "A"?

The research says that children who are taught to read earlier actually lose their academic advantage by the time they are 9. Early readers don't do as well at science; those who had more time to explore cause and effect on their own are the ones who excel in science.

Kyrie will occasionally think she wants to read but she hates to sit still. So I read to her. (And the others.) We read an hour or two a day. While I read, Everleigh is playing with blocks (or napping), Kyrie is coloring, doing puzzles, cutting or arranging and sorting something, and Ben is playing with Legos.

Which is why when a friend sent this article today I was gratified to read this: That "the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers...". I know that. But on the heels of having made a tough decision, it affirmed what I know.

Meanwhile, what is important to teach all of my children is how to be prepared for life. Character, emotional maturity, social skills, and how to be independent are all foundational skills that are typically established by the time a child reaches double-digits. I have some work to do.

Sources: The Finnish Miracle
Do we send our children to school too young?
Homeschooling 3-and-4 Year Olds

The Greatest Show on Earth

2011-09-12T10:50:00.000-07:00

For the fourth time this year, I won Parent Map tickets to an event. Actually I've only entered to win tickets to four events so I'm getting spoiled. I entered to win one other thing (a non-event) and didn't. I like this streak.

We went up Saturday morning to the Ringling Bros & Barnum & Bailey Circus in Everett. We had to wade through Seattle both ways with a UW Huskies game and a Seattle Mariners game. Traffic was wretched.

Our children were enamored of the circus. They were unmoved by the PETA protesters. And we told them before we went in that there would be a million overpriced items for sale and we weren't buying. So they weren't to beg. They did fabulous. Just one little, "I sure love cotton candy" which we ignored and we walked out without spending a dime. (Well, the gas, but still...).

The Circus was smaller than we remembered. No lions, tigers but there were elephants, camels, horses, cats, and dogs. (And they looked healthy and fine.) The tightrope walkers, trapeze artists, and the three motorcyclists in a cage were favorites. It was fun. And our camera is broken.

A 9/11 Reflection from my Uncle

2011-09-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

My uncle had the chance to share his memories of 9/11 on NPR earlier this month. Here is the link. Listen to the audio at the bottom.

My uncle's stint at the Pentagon was extended several months. During that time, he took me to the Pentagon to see it up close. I went to New York less than month after the attacks and smelled the burning metal. I can remember the quiet of New York City on that visit, the trucks still hauling away debris from Ground Zero and the gaping hole in the sky.

This 10th anniversary has brought about the telling of many stories. Of victims and survivors. There have been some amazing movies (United 93, World Trade Center) in the past decade. But this anniversary there seems to be a need to hear and tell.

I wondered if this was the year to talk to my children but they have seemed oblivious to news clips and headlines. I will let them live in oblivion a little longer. But I will not tell them the world is safe. It is not. I can only hope to show them to the One in whom they will be safe. Always.

John Stott on Singleness

2011-09-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

I've grown to be a great admirer of John Stott, who passed away this last summer at age 90. Normally I would relegate this article, John Stott on Singleness, to my sidebar. But I found this wisdom too great to sideline:

First, don't be in too great a hurry to get married. We human beings do not reach maturity until we are about 25....So be patient. Pray daily that God will guide you to your life partner or show you if he wants you to remain single. Second, lead a normal social life. Develop many friendships. Third, if God calls you to singleness, don't fight it. Remember the key text: "Each person has his or her own gift of God's grace" (1 Cor. 7:7).

I will share this advice with my own children someday.

RIP Ribbit

2011-09-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

Today I noted that the tadpole was upside down. This, and his/her corresponding lack of movement, led us to the sad conclusion that Ribbit had left this life. Ben wrote a eulogy and requested that we wait until his dad came home to give Ribbit a burial at sea (i.e. our city's sewer system). Ben did conclude at dinner that he felt pretty certain that tadpoles did not go to heaven; he's less sure about dogs.

Ribbit was guaranteed to metamorphosis. So his replacement will be arriving a little later. We are hopeful that we will get to see the whole thing through.

A Celebration

2011-09-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

Mike turned 30-something yesterday. We have celebrated a little bit each day over the last several days. Sadly, he received not one gift. And I gave him his only card. But he did appreciate Facebook greetings, 18-holes of golf over the weekend, brownies and ice cream, and the chance to go out with me last night.

We went to one of our favorite places, Swing, and sat outside over looking Capitol Lake. To just give you an idea of how very different we are, Mike had the bacon-wrapped oysters. Marriage is truly a miracle when I can love being with someone who orders that.

Then we watched Captain America together. I learned a little about the world of Marvel comics and liked the story a lot. And it was nice to be alone together celebrating.

Week 1

2011-09-02T17:08:00.000-07:00

We just wrapped up week one of school. It was a good week. I stayed on task. The house is a pit. It was a slow week work-wise but I'm already wondering how I'll manage a busy week. Probably the biggest factor will be our adventurous toddler. Right now, she is going to bed twice a day. She typically doesn't nap in the afternoon but she is very happy to have a few books and some quiet time in her crib. I'm not sure this will continue for the entire year but it makes things flow smoothly right now.

Kyrie is doing a very simple preschool program. She is bright and very interested in hand-writing so we are doing a little verbal phonics and she has her own handwriting book. We also play with Discovery Toys wonderful tiles together for a little bit. And then she jumps in on Art and Music appreciation with Ben, as well as Bible time in the morning and some of Ben's science.

Ben's second grade program consists of:

Math-Horizons. I like the color and appeal of this math program; it inspires learning in him. Right now, he's finding the beginning of the year review very easy but we are enforcing math with other projects that involve measurement.

History-Story of the World Book 2 continues World History into the Middle Ages. The activity book is a favorite. I was concerned that other homeschooling families would have checked out approximately 8-15 literature and history books that are recommended to accompany each chapter. But so far, no problem. We use the library a lot and the activity book gives us all kinds of wonderful projects-arts, crafts, and cooking. Each lesson has mapwork and a coloring page too. Last week Ben made a Roman signum. Next week he'll make a Celtic ax and we'll cook a typical monastic meal.

Language Arts-First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind focuses on learning parts of speech and poetry memorization. We throw in Bible memory work too. It incorporates handwriting with copy-work and early recognition of the parts of speech.

Spelling-Ben loved spelling so much that last year he completed the book recommended for 2nd grade. This year I'm attempting to pace him so he does one lesson a week.

Handwriting-We are using Zaner Bloser Handwriting 2C. This is the year we transition to Cursive. Keyboarding is just as important at this stage as writing but we will continue to use something, probably until grade 4. Ben's writing is very readable and he continues to develop his computer skills all on his own.

Science-I wish I had discovered Allan Fowler's little books on every science-related topic you can think of last year. There are well over 100 and they are perfect short informational books that Ben has used to research other topics. We are reading them and also starting to use a star explorer chart to work on astronomy. Probably our biggest science project right now is studying the metamorphosis of tadpoles. We have one frog in a 10-gallon aquarium and a tadpole in a separate container who will join him when full-grown. All of the kids participate in this project but Ben is responsible for his care and feeding.

Art -We have been using Usborne's My Very First Book of Art which has wonderful art projects based on the works of artists. So we might study how Marc Chagall used reds to make warm, bright paintings or how Edgar Degas used pastels on a black background. This subject ALWAYS happens when Everleigh is napping. We also do art appreciation by reading Mike Venezia's wonderful Getting to Know the World's Greatest Artists series. These are on DVD as well and I wish our library had more of those.

Music Appreciation - I love the Classical Kids CD series. We recently listened to Hallelujah Handel but they have all been great. Mike Venezia's Great Artists series also includes musicians so we are reading these as well. Today, we read about Duke Ellington and tonight we will watch a DVD of one of his live performances. Sometimes, the best we can do is find a You Tube with a certain composer's music being performed.

I'm weak where physical education is concerned. Right now we are enjoying sunny days and just playing outside. But I need to figure out how to develop more interest in sports and fitness.

Overall, I'm happy with our program. Now to keep up on the housework.

August: Goodbye, Adios, Sayonara, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

2011-08-31T19:33:00.000-07:00

August has been one stressful month in our household. Mike said this week it had been the most stressful of his life. It has certainly been the most stressful of our marriage.

And I would like to break up all those "stressful" words and replace them with other words: difficult or awful. But they wouldn't be true. At least not for me.

The month had some very sad events. It also had some good times, a lot of wonderful visits from friends and family, some learning experiences in our family (some of which I've written about), and some new experiences that were fun and exciting. It was all just A LOT. The pace was relentless. We felt it. The kids felt it. Our company felt it. It effected us physically and emotionally. I found some character deficits that need some serious work.

The good news is that in the process, we discovered a strong faith, a strong marriage, a strong family.

Several times in the last couple of weeks, Kyrie would encourage Mike to kiss me (or vice versa). Everleigh makes us do it every morning. I was reminded how knowing your parents love each other can provide a bedrock of security to kids in stressful times. We aren't too sure about their college funds but we do love each other, which is far more important.

But as much as I wish we could have a little more summer, I'm not looking back wistfully at this month. Hello, September!

Ribbit

2011-08-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

This is our tadpole, who has been given a variety of names including: Sam, Ribbit, and Lassie. He is part of our biology education and apparently, the benefactor of some of our more expensive educational expenditures. Ben's schoolbooks came to a little over $100 this year; we have spent nearly that on Taddie's home, environment, food, a buddy, etc....

Getting Away

2011-08-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

Zoo-Getting tired

Last week Mike and I spent a couple of days in Bellevue for the State Policy Network annual meeting. I work a teeny, tiny bit with SPN booking travel for one of the VPs and Mike's colleagues did much of the sound/media production for the conference.

It was my first time away from Everleigh and my mom's first adventure in to keeping all three kids at once. Alone.

I attended a few of the breakout sessions and stretched my brain in ways I needed. I enjoyed being with Mike and co-workers and meeting people I've emailed for awhile now.

We did fun things like take a boat out to an island in the Puget Sound for a dinner. Mainly I was very thankful to have a husband who encourages me to use my gifts and talents in as many venues as I can. I realized there that the only person who holds me back is me.

Kyrie

Crazy little one on the slide

With Daddy at the Zoo

Siblings

My mom drove the kids up to us on Friday morning and I took her to the train station nearby to take Amtrak home while Mike showed the kids the hotel. Then we took them to Woodland Park Zoo with our amazing Groupon coupons.

Lego Camp & Bullying

2011-08-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

Ben went to a Lego mechanics day camp last week through our local parks and recreation. It was a learning experience in more ways than one.

He had been looking forward to this with eager anticipation. Three hours of Legos everyday. When I picked him up the first day he made it to the car and then burst into tears. The boys (a group of 7 boys, some of the nerdiest, thick-glasses, lispy, and "non-athletically built" boys you've seen) had called him "baby." We reviewed any reasons as to why. No, he didn't cry. No, he had used the bathroom when he needed to. No, he hadn't kissed his mom goodbye. I couldn't figure out why that had happened but he was devastated. I wasn't sure he would want to go back.

That evening after Mike and I had talked, and talked to Ben, together and separately, he came to the top of the stairs. "I've decided I can handle three more days of being called 'baby' if it means going to Lego camp." I was stunned, proud, and struck by the fact that he is a tougher kid than I gave him credit for.

The next three days were better but not great. He didn't come away with any friends; he was disturbed by the language the boys used.

The fall parks and recreation program list is up now and a favorite art teacher is teaching an art class for 7-13 year olds. We talked about the fact that the kids may not be nice and Ben reiterated that he was willing to deal with that in order to learn something that was important to him.

If you had asked me two weeks ago what one of the most important characteristics I hoped to see in my kids was, I wouldn't have known to answer "Willing to deal with difficult people in order to have learning experiences." But I am glad he has shown such tenacity. I am not sure I have this characteristic. It will take him far.

Summer is Here...and Almost Over

2011-08-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

It hit 85 today, a summer high.
My friend Judy came up from Portland yesterday to hang out with us. We went to see The Help with another friend. I'm looking for some Oscar nominations to come out of this one. Everyone nailed it; Octavia Spencer (Minny) was amazing. Jessica Chastain (Celia) and Emma Stone (Skeeter) looked exactly as I pictured their characters when I read the book. Viola Davis (Aibilene) was spot-on too. And Bryce Dallas Howard is a great actress; I just pictured Hilly bigger and less pretty. But her dad should be proud. The casting director should get an Oscar for sure. I could see this one many times over.
Swimming lessons are over. Hallelujah. Ben made huge progress but I'm still hesitant to pay money for that next year.
On to Vehicle Mechanics with Legos camp next week.
School begins for Ben the following week.
Fall is not in the air. I'm counting on a lovely Indian summer.

"I'm Gonna Be Famous"-Ben

2011-08-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

My kids were asked to be in a video shoot this morning. Ben feels his best scenes were cut. Welcome to the world of media! The video is still in editing mode so I can't embed but you can watch by clicking here.

A Fast Train

2011-08-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

Life is a fast train right now. Here are a few quick bits:

Mike's company picnic was last Friday. It was a lovely day and a great location and everyone involved worked hard. But when 20% of the workforce was laid off the week before, it is a bit like going to a funeral. (Mike said "not a funeral, a wake.")
While there, Kyrie had a migraine, her first and I hope last, come on. Being a bit of a drama queen, we didn't take her as seriously as we should have. She sat in Mike's arms and we stayed too late. She told him she needed to throw up and he didn't believe her. He was pulling out a bucket when she started in.
Our friends Joe & Janet came up to stay Friday night. The guys went golfing the next day and I seemed to catch Kyrie's headache. Fortunately, I had more success kicking it than usual. And Janet (who is nearly 8 months pregnant) was on the tired side too. We put all the girls (they have Annabel, two months older than Ev) down and we all slept.
Mike's paralegal gave notice this week. She was fabulous and she told me he was the best boss but she had an amazing opportunity to work at a big firm (that hadn't laid off 20% of the workforce the week before) much closer to her home. (The traffic between her home and work had her sitting for an hour or more some days.) Never underestimate the value of a great assistant to the spouse of the one employed.
Swimming lessons are going much better this week. Except we somehow lost Kyri's bathing suit top.... Fortunately she has two suits but hoping to find that today. Ben, especially, has made huge progress.
My friend Judy arrives Friday to stay over and console me on Mike having to work all day Saturday in Seattle.
Ben has a tadpole. We were shocked it survived the trip from Florida and being left until 7pm in our mailbox when it was clearly marked all over "LIVE TADPOLE: HAND DELIVER; DO NOT LEAVE IN MAILBOX." I have long had suspicions that our mail carrier is illiterate. Then I went to the store and when I came back Kyrie was dumping food in. But Mr. Ribbit is doing fabulously and Ben has shown a lot of responsibility in remembering to feed him every day. (Just once.) We'll post pictures later.

Things That Warm My Heart

2011-08-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

These things have made me happy and made me feel I am using my BA in Humanities:

Ben asked a guest if they would like to learn to draw like Degas. (I'm thrilled he can say "Degas" correctly; that he knows how to take a black piece of paper and pastel chalks and draw like Degas is icing on the cake.)
After being introduced to Igor Stravinsky I wanted Ben to listen to Rite of Spring. He instantly covered his ears, acting as the original hearers did. I went into another room and soon he ran in asking, "Could I find The Firebird on YouTube?" Stravinksky composed The Firebird for a ballet.

Ben made up a board game to play with his dad. We found this particularly reminiscent of his Uncle Mark.
When I told Ben that we would begin school in two weeks, he said, "YAY!"

KOMO 4 covers political sign dispute in Tumwater

2011-08-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

My husband filed a lawsuit against Tumwater this morning. http://olympia.komonews.com/news/people/658423-much-ado-about-sign-against-gophers-tumwater

The End of Membership (for now)

2011-08-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Our zoo membership expired at the end of July and so July 31, we trekked up for one last visit. Here are some photos:

Not my favorite exhibit but educational

Feeding the budgies

The slide

Kyri snags the Merhorse

Minutes later, Ev decided she didn't like the carousel.

Opportunity to Help

2011-08-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

Update 8/11/11: Dale continues to improve slowly. He was moved from the ICU to another floor yesterday afternoon. Physical therapy has started coming to his room for treatments yesterday as well. They should be doing an MRI this morning. This will show if it is okay to remove the neck brace. Physical therapy will continue again today. Dale slept well last night! **Also, the family was able to reinstate their previous insurance through COBRA since it had been under 90 days; they have to back-pay for two months and it is very expensive still BUT better than not having insurance!

Dale Ostrander, was swept out to sea in an undertow last Friday and was dead for approximately 20 minutes before amazingly, reviving. Every step of his recovery has been declared miraculous, by medical personnel and others. I heard about this story from a member of his church that was on a camp out when this 12-year old boy was swept out to sea in an undertow in Long Beach, WA. In less five days the national media has taken it up.

The thing that has moved me to action is this: This family had no insurance benefits; the father had started a new job and was a month away from his benefits taking effect. This family has immense bills and like many families, they were already suffering due to tough times. If you would like to know more about how to meet their needs, please check out Prayers for Dale. There is a link for paypal donations as well as a way to mail a check for them to their church.

Here is the story by a photojournalist who happened to be close by that day: http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/10/7326710-dramatic-rescue-boy-revived-after-being-sucked-out-to-sea?gt1=43001. And here is Komo 4 news with the title: "God Can Work Miracles..."

Adventures in Water

2011-08-09T13:11:00.000-07:00

Having fun but keeping those eyes closed.

We gave up and moved Kyrie back to level 1 with a new teacher.

Off the diving board...a Major Feat

New location in the pool, new teacher and she's suddenly brave!

Swim Lessons

2011-08-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

Today Ben and Kyrie started swimming lessons. Kyrie took lessons last summer and was so excited to do it again. Ben was not excited but we made a deal: Take swim lessons with a good attitude and I'll pay for Lego Camp.

But apparently life is not simple.

1) Ben looks exactly like my dad and brother in the water. He has a happy smile on his face until the water gets near his face. He is quite certain that the water will damage his eyes and ears. So day one included putting your head under water. My brother pulled off his swim teachers swimsuit top when he had this particular lesson 30 years ago. And I have to admit, I was a little afraid for Teacher Courtney today. Instead, she had to spend MINUTES convincing him he could open his eyes without wiping them with a towel. But Ben did well; better than I expected. He is going back tomorrow with the instructions to LISTEN to his teacher and LOOK at her the whole time instead of goofing off.
2) Kyri expected to take last year's class again this year. She pretty much cried the whole time. To her credit, she repeatedly asked me if she could get out and quit and she stayed in the pool. She cooperated with her teacher while weeping. She was frustrated swim lessons were not on the steps like last time and she was in a deeper part of the water (where she could still touch the bottom). So tomorrow, she will be focusing on having courage and adjusting to a new plan.
They will be rewarded with hot chocolate (since it was 61 degrees today) if they meet their goals.

Meanwhile, the class consists of an older special needs boy and two children who love the water so much the teacher has to keep an eye on them to keep them from attempting to swim into the deep end. You could not pay me enough to teach swimming to children.

And on the sidelines was one 20-month old who had to be strapped into a stroller to keep her from jumping in the water with her siblings. I'm still hoping to have ONE who loves the water as much as I do. There's still hope.

The Economy and Children

2011-08-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

This has been a hard week. A handful of people we care about lost jobs due to the economy and we are all feeling pretty awful right now.

Our own finances are a little tighter and I'm angry at myself for even feeling the little bit of self-pity that comes with that. I realize that in terms of the World, we are still RICH, as are all of the people I know who whine about money.

I read Mimmy and Sophie to the kids after lunch and we talked about "the Depression" and why Mimmy and Sophie couldn't afford a vacation. The beauty of children is that a picnic on the Brooklyn Bridge (they live in Brooklyn) becomes their "vacation" and they think it is fabulous. And my children both thought that a picnic on a bridge (ok, Ben specified the Brooklyn Bridge) would be the coolest thing ever.

I tried to explain a little why I don't want them whining in the store about wanting things and why cultivating gratefulness is so very important. I know it all went right over their heads and I'm not sure if they believed me when I told them their great-grandma lived in a tent in the snow during one winter during the depression and lived on wild plums to eat. But even if they didn't understand, the telling was good for me. Because the obesity of what we think we need is getting to me. I want to be grateful. And never covet more.

Summer Road Trip

2011-08-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

One of my longtime friends was visiting the Oregon Coast from Boise and so I took the kids down to my parents' house and then over to the Coast. We had a nice visit and then I drove home last night with the three kids. I went the long way...all the way up the Oregon Coast. Thankfully, they all napped for part of the trip.

We did have some hilarious moments such as a bathroom stop that took so long to get everyone taken care of that Kyrie had to go again when we'd finished the entire rotation.

At Kelso, we had to make a stop at a park so energy could be worked out and siblings could be more than a couple feet from each other for a short time.

I survived, stayed awake and we were so glad to see Mike last night when we rolled in.

Meanwhile, I wrote about Astoria's Pier 39 and posted pictures over at Very Light Suitcase. Held off posting it so Pier 39's website would be up (it was under construction) but they finished it with errors so it still isn't working.

On This Sunny Thursday....

2011-07-28T11:39:00.000-07:00

I'm headed to the funeral of my matron of honor's father. He died suddenly of a heart attack last week. I am thinking about how I dressed for a summer funeral a month ago when the mom of another good friend died. It is a tough season for some of the people I love the most.
Everleigh has gone from 0 to 50 on talking. I was worried about her at her 18-month check and her doctor assured me that only saying 3-5 words was perfectly normal at her age. This week she decided to show off her intelligence. She's even worked on a few two-word combinations. Her "yes" is delightful. I remember the other two starting with "uh-huh" and "ok." She has a clear "yes." She loves to use "snack" and various body parts, as well as identifying the nourishing portion of my body with the correct anatomical term.
Ben has hit a growth spurt, downing vast quantities of food. A recent breakfast was a waffle, four scrambled eggs, and two pieces of toast. I also discovered he had taken over watering my tomatoes (bless him).
I dutifully went to a planning meeting for homeschooling moms yesterday, which is a bit like a trip to the dentist for me. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Of course I volunteered my husband for things instead of adding to my responsibilities. Anyone know a good marriage counselor?
Posted some recipes for two great pizzas I've made recently. Of course, I don't like either of them (not vegetarian-friendly) but people in my household said they were fantastic.
Excited there is an NFL season coming. Not excited Matt Hasselbeck is leaving and Tavaris Jackson is coming. Go Tennessee Titans.
I interviewed Betsy Talbot last year and recently wrote about them again for Very Light Suitcase. She and her husband Warren are on a 3-yr world trip. Today is day 300 and they are in Belgium. I want to be in Belgium today.

Warm, Sunshine at the Beach

2011-07-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

We went to friends' beach home in Ocean Park, WA, this weekend. Rachael is one of my oldest friends and was my roommate for awhile. Her husband, Cliff, dreams of running a bed and breakfast, so much that he does it for friends at no charge. He greeted me at the door stating that my 1200 calorie diet ended here and could resume when I left. Did it ever. Breakfasts, especially were amazing.

The weather was sunny and beautiful. A true rarity at the Washington coast. Saturday morning, we woke up and took the kids down to the beach. Everleigh lagged behind the other two and enjoyed watching the grouse run away from us. As we came down the trail to the beach and came up over the dune, she gasped and said, "Ohhhh" when she saw the ocean. It was awesome.

Kyri, Rachael, and I went on a wonderful, exhilarating forest hike at Willapa National Wildlife Refuge. It was short (2/3 mile) but aptly named Cutthroat Climb. Kyrie "led" the hike, saying "Oh my goodness" at least 80 times and landing on her fanny often.

Introduced Mike to driving on the beach....My dad used to take me out for driving lessons as a teen on the Oregon Coast. We drove down the beach for a couple of miles.

Photographer

Running

We came home through Astoria, OR, one of my former hometowns. Will post more on that later.

7 Quick Bits

2011-07-20T18:05:00.000-07:00

Need to read the book Give Them Grace, this post reviews: My two oldest children are identified exactly in paragraph 7 and just reading this was a good reminder to keep eternal perspective. Parenting books, Christian and otherwise, so often fail in that regard.
Everleigh wins the award for Commitment to Dental Hygiene Award in our household. She can be found, meticulously brushing, at least three times a day. Who knows? Maybe our family will finally get the dentist it has been expecting for so long.
Put up a Facebook page for Very Light Suitcase. Just can't seem to get to Twitter. Sigh.
Tomorrow is an important golf tournament. It is scheduled to "shower." In July. In which we have had record low temperatures for July in western Washington. (I know, we could be having record highs like the rest of the country.)
Today I discovered Ben had gotten a head start on his second-grade handwriting book. It is probably the first and last year I will use a set "curriculum" for handwriting for him and he hasn't been as enthused about it. This is the transition to cursive year and he is incredulous that he could ever learn to write like that. So I was happy to discover he had gone ahead and started the book. I should probably check his other books.
More on schooling later. I'm definitely benefiting from having friends who are professional teachers as well as close friends who are homeschooling their older kids and giving me great insight.
Mike forgot his lunch today and told me he could come eat with us. I quickly made this yummy Melon Gazpacho (quite yummy without prosciutto). It was pretty much a sorbet before being frozen and my kids hunkered down and whined and complained like I was trying to kill them. Once tried, it was loved.

Everleigh

2011-07-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

Kyrie

2011-07-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

Ben

2011-07-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

For those of you who usually get photos of my children, please feel free to comment as to which pose you prefer most.

The Three

2011-07-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

The Cult of Marriage

2011-07-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

If it seems odd that a happily married woman spends so much mental energy (which is a scarce commodity at this time of life) thinking about the topic of marriage, you need to understand three things: 1) I married at 32, slightly older than the average age and the "counsel" I received from the Christian community was at times misguided, and at times, downright harmful; 2) I worked with young singles for years and have many single friends who would like to be married and/or have the right to be respected as adults while unmarried, and; 3) I have three children who, at some point, may, or may not, marry.

I recently finished reading Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert which has generated a lot of thought on marriage. Throw in the bizarre books that have come out in the Christian world in the last couple of years that advocate getting married as if it is a Christian duty and this wonderful article by Gina R. Dalfonzo, and my thoughts have been focused once again on the bizarreness of this little pseudo-Christian subculture in America that has absolutely no biblical or historical basis for its beliefs on marriage and parenting.

Recently my reading has caused me to consider that Jesus (God/Man) chose not to marry in a culture that considered the unmarried to be second-class. And then Paul writes that it is better to be single. (1 Cor. 7) Many of the early leaders of the Christian church took Paul's words to the extreme and discouraged marriage and made sex an evil, evil thing, dirty and disgraced even between married persons. (http://christiansexualethics.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/christian-sexual-ethics-as-seen-through-the-eyes-of-the-church-fathers/)

In considering God's word as a whole, I have thought that Paul's statements on marriage may have been a partial reaction to a culture around him that married for reasons other than love. His statement that it is better to marry than to burn (1 Cor. 7:9) may have been directed toward those couples that were truly, genuinely attracted to each other, body, soul, and spirit. (I'm not a biblical scholar but would be interested to know more on this subject.) When marriage was being propagated all around to strengthen political alliances and fortify financial wealth, proposing this would have been radical. And I don't think one can read the Song of Solomon without recognizing that God seems to be at work in romantic love.

Reading Gilbert's book reminded me that the definition of marriage has changed over time. Marriages were often arranged according to political and business interests; in many cultures men (and sometimes women) could have many spouses.

While I thoroughly believe that marriage entered into rightly by two mature parties devoted to each other is a good and wonderful thing, I am a little down on the attitude that marriage is a state to be sought desperately. When singleness is done right, chastely, with purpose, it is an amazing testament to God and his saving work in lives. Some of the Christians I most admire (John Stott, Corey ten Boom, my brother, and some amazing female friends) have never married. Some of them would like to; and I admire this more. To a culture that says a chaste life is not possible without being "weird" they demand a consideration of Christ and his transforming work.

And then there is this one (also by Dalfonzo) which I wish I could say that I wrote. (Except for the ending which was a bit too cynical for me.) I thought it was such a great reminder of how "Christian advice" about relationships is a moving target, or dare-I-say "evolving" science. Apparently God changes his mind frequently about how he wants unmarried Christians to go about, or not go about, seeking a mate. It is enough to make your head spin. (And that is tongue in check, just in case you couldn't tell.)

I'm increasingly uncomfortable with the parts of American evangelical culture which seem to have absolutely no basis in true Christianity. I continue to believe that in my marriage I live out my faith, becoming better by being in a relationship with someone whose faith often looks much different than mine and by learning about submitting to Christ through submitting ourselves to each other. But I am also aware that my Christian walk while deepened in this way, would have been equally deepened in other ways if I had remained single. And when I watch the ways in which my single friends live in community and hold each other up, I'm pretty impressed. They may have the harder task.

And while I can empathize with those friends who would like to marry and have families, I'm more and more convinced that "pity" is the wrong attitude. As they live their lives fully in the way God intended, they need support, encouragement, and community. But not pity. They will have the selfish benefits of singleness, surely. "Full possession of the remote control," as Sandra Bullock states aptly in While You Were Sleeping. But they will also have opportunities to walk out their faith in ways that I don't have and may never have.

As I raise a son and daughters I pray for their future. If I feel led, I will pray for a spouse for one, two or all of them. But I won't do it presumptively. That may not be the path that is before them. It may not even be God's best for them.

Reading on Kyrie's Bed

2011-07-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

Living with Fame

2011-07-11T17:14:00.000-07:00

Did that title get your attention? The Married Man Podcast has over 800 ITune subscribers and made their New & Noteworthy list. You should check it out. Still waiting to see how the fame goes to Mike's head. So far, so good.
I took a drive down to Portland yesterday to see a good friend Dia, who was up visiting from California. I walked around with her and took lots of pictures for my travel blog and managed to forget to get one of her or her adorable baby girl, Abigail.
Meanwhile, back at home, Everleigh learned to climb to the top of the slide by herself. Which makes sending her out back to play a precarious thing to do.

Oregon Weekend

2011-07-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

Mike spent Independence Day weekend in Portland at the Waterfront Blues Festival with his friend Dave. It was a lovely, warm, summer weekend and Mike had his summer tan in no time.
Ben and Everleigh were both still showing signs of being sick so I was home with them until after Saturday evening when Ben wanted to go for a ride. So did I but couldn't think where I could go with sick kids. So I spontaneously packed up early and we drove to Oregon Saturday night where Kyrie was visiting my parents.
The result was two nice days with my mom and dad and Kyrie catching Everleigh's cold. Ah-well.
Monday we picked up Mike on our way home. We were both completely exhausted and came home and put the kids to bed and watched fireworks in bed. Kyrie was particularly disappointed in our lack of celebratory spirit. Next year.

Creative play by Kyrie

Photo by Grandpa

The Return of the CSA and Other Quick Bits

2011-07-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

Our first CSA box of the season arrived last night. Everleigh has insisted she doesn't like strawberries over the last month or so. But yesterday, when I finally convinced her to try a bite, she decided to make an exception for really ripe, organic, picked-that-day strawberries. "Mahr, mahr" was her response.
Mike is getting a much-deserved break and going to the Portland Waterfront Blues Festival this weekend with a friend. He has wanted to attend for years and it has turned into a beautiful weekend.
Ben had severe asthma issues this week after a nearly two-year break. Throw in a nasty infected lip after getting two cavities filled and we ended up at the doctor on Thursday. We were giving him breathing treatments every two hours and I was all prepared for all the hysteria that used to accompany these visits. Instead the doctor said, "Nice job Mom & Dad. You know what to do" and that was that. A 7-yr old asthmatic is easier than a 5-yr old asthmatic. Still, he pushed through and was able to see Cars 2 with his Dad yesterday he was doing so much better.
Kyrie has been at her grandparents all week. She's getting all the attention of an only child and thriving on it. She misses Everleigh but I think that's about it.
Everleigh came down with a cold on Thursday night. Not that it stopped her from playing non-stop yesterday. She misses her sister something dreadful and has to talk to her every day.

Hatted 18-Month Old Children

2011-07-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

A rare photo of a hat on Ben! He hated them.

Also not a hat fan, Miss Kyrie

This one loves a hat, especially if it means she can go outside.

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

2011-06-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

That's my pace of life recently. Which could explain why I'm so tired. Recent happenings include:

A highlight of my YEAR was going out with three of my best girlfriends on Friday night in Portland. We all turned 40 within the last nine months and one of us lives in Hong Kong. We visited the best British pub I know of this side of Merry Olde England, The Horse Brass Pub in Portland, Oregon. They have an authentic English Ploughman's Plate and I proceeded to eat the whole thing (even the Branston pickle Heidi & Anna!). We split the bread pudding. I had two apple slices for lunch so I could afford the calories. I would fast for two days to do that again. But the highlight was the company and conversation. We all celebrated our 30th birthdays in New York City ten years ago so we talked about the life changes we had encountered and if we were where we wanted to be. And we're still debating where we'll go for our 50th. I think the Greek Isles had pulled ahead but Paris and Ireland were in the mix too. We ended the evening watching the sunset over Portland from Mt. Tabor Park.
Saturday morning had me at a 30th birthday party in Seattle. I was a little groggy but we enjoyed the amazing brunch at Table 219. Most interesting, we happened to be in the middle of Seattle's Gay Pride Festival. If I was a little bolder, I would have captured some images that would better explain Seattle to my non-left-coast friends. (But you probably could live a full life without those images.)
Mike and the kids picked me up at the south end of the Seattle light rail and we went to lunch with my brother and a friend. Then I went home and napped.
My parents arrived Saturday evening and Sunday we all played hookie from church and the males (without Ben) went golfing.
Monday, I drove to Portland to attend the memorial service for Marlene, Janet's mom and an amazing lady. It was a wonderful, God-honoring service.

Amidst all this Mike handled the kids like a pro, reminding me how very blessed I was to marry such an amazing man.

A Few More

2011-06-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

Those Gray Lines

2011-06-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

Wrote this for Very Light Suitcase. So much gray blurs the line where freedom ends and where responsibility begins. I appreciated the chance to think about it. I'm still biting my nails over it.

Thank You Mom & Dad

2011-06-23T13:14:00.000-07:00

First, everyone should read this article from The Atlantic Monthly. I normally put these things in my sidebar but "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy" was just too important. Mike immediately thought of kids we know who are headed for therapy. I thought of a few adults I know that are never happy and seem to think what they are feeling should make the world around them come to a stop in pity. It also caused me to contemplate the crazy world of handing your kid every little thing you think they will need and trying to make their every experience a constant whirlwind of fun. And it made me thankful.

My parents were pretty good at the balance. They prioritized raising their children, didn't leave us out of their world, and encouraged us to use our gifts. But they sent some criticism along the way. Which is important.

My mom told me I was fat when I was 19. I didn't love it; it hurt. But when I'm tempted to believe the lie that I should just accept myself for who I am, those words motivate me. Because who I am is a lazy, unmotivated, overindulger. I love to overeat. I hate to exercise. And I have to believe I can be MORE than I am.

My father told me when I was in grade school that I was a "whiner." And then he quit responding to my whining. I am a whiner. Still. But I am less of a whiner because he made a conscious decision to confront me on it and PARENT me. Not indulge me. And my husband should be mighty grateful.

He also told me when I worked for him in high school that I was SLOW. Oh that hurt! I wanted to argue with him. Instead I worked on doing my job more quickly. I think you would be hard-pressed to find any of my (later) employers who would tell you that I was slow on the job.

So, thank you, Mom and Dad. And thank you Lori Gottlieb. You reminded me that part of my job as a parent is to tell my kids the hard things. To motivate them to do the right thing. And to not hand them all of life's pleasures and rewards but teach them how to work hard for them. My job is to raise future adults.

Photos

2011-06-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

There are better ones of Ben I will post later.

Summer Education

2011-06-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Ben finished 1st grade two weeks ago when he completed his math final. He completed Spelling, Language Arts, Math, History, and Logic with ease.

We aren't exactly schooling, but we are doing these things on a relaxed schedule. We still read a lot every day and we are focusing on the science books of Allan Fowler. There are probably over 100 of these short, picture-heavy little books and we are checking them out and speeding through them. They have the information for 1st grade but are very appealing to preschoolers. We are also going to Grow-A-Frog from a tadpole. Ben read about the mustard seed in Mark and proceeded to dump my spice container of mustard seeds into a planter. Sure enough! They've sprouted and we plan on growing a few other things in planters this summer.

Physical education is not a strong point with me or with Ben but he completed spring baseball and will be taking swimming lessons with Kyrie if it ever warms up.

And we will be continuing art education. We are going to be combining lots of library books with art projects relating to artistic styles. Art is interesting with an 18-month old but we did have some fun painting over the weekend while she napped.

Meanwhile, our local library is undergoing a remodel for two months and is closed all except for hold pickups and dropoffs. Sadly, they are taking a little longer to find things and having trouble keeping up with the 20 or so books a week we typically check out.

My Two Favorite Fathers

2011-06-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

What We're Up To

2011-06-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Getting to go outside

Manicure

Mike is escorting all-pro Seattle Seahawk Mack Strong around today. One of his tougher work assignments.
Kyrie went to the dentist this week. She considers the dentist a highlight in her life. Which may have something to do with the manicure, ring and bag of trinkets.
Everleigh rejoiced in two sunny days this week and spent as much time in the sandbox and on the swing as she could. She also went to the doctor for her 18-month check and received the good news that she was healthy, developmentally excellent and had gained some weight (and height) since her last visit.
Ben's negotiated a hard bargain with his mom. He agreed to take swimming lessons "with a good attitude" if she would pay for him to take the Lego mechanics course he's been wanting to take.
Rachelle exchanged emails with Mack Strong and otherwise kept up with her family.

Very Light Suitcase Enters the World of......

2011-06-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

Adsense. A little scary but I decided to start the monetizing process today.

My stats are promising, especially considering I still haven't done all the things I can to make my way into google searches and still need to set up a Facebook page and Twitter account. I'm still trying to find the time to keep up with posting but I am having fun. Thanks to all of you that have encouraged me along the way. And even more thanks to those who have linked to the blog from your own blogs and Facebook accounts. I really appreciate it.

Don't forget to read Very Light Suitcase. My most recent post is on baggage fees. Sometime in the next few days that big blank space will be taken by up by advertisements.

Photos, Suitcases, and 2nd grade

2011-06-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

We had family photos taken professionally on Sunday. We took them at Pt. Defiance Park in Tacoma and unfortunately I-5 was a parking lot. We were late, tense, hungry. But they turned out ok. Though sadly my expectations for myself don't match my self-control. I was asked if I would sign a photo release so they could put Kyri on their web site. The funny thing was that I didn't think Kyri was up to her usual photographic self. The girl loves the camera and I find that just a little bit terrifying.

I bought myself a new suitcase which both Mike and Everleigh found extremely disturbing. Three times I was asked where I planned on taking it. It is nice to be wanted.

I ordered most of Ben's 2nd grade textbooks and they have been arriving over the last week. It was mainly justification for avoiding any homeschooling conferences again. Ben has been taking the books off into corners to peruse and saying things like "Oh 2nd grade is going to be even more fun." Yep, that's my boy. I was that geek too.

A Day to Reflect

2011-06-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

The final heartbeat for the Christian is not the mysterious conclusion to a meaningless existence. It is, rather, the grand beginning to a life with our Savior that will never end. -James Dobson

Last night, one of my good friends Janet, and a bridesmaid in my wedding lost her mama to pneumonia. Janet's family was the kind of family you want to get closer to. I can count on a few fingers the parents of my friends who had a marriage that made me want to get married. Tom and Marlene were that couple. I loved going to their house. I'm friends with their son Matt. Another good friend Amy, lived with them her senior year of high school and is considered "family."

Marlene had come successfully through a bone marrow transplant and was doing well when pneumonia came in and destroyed her immune-suppressed body. I don't think of any of us really dreamed she wouldn't make it. She was positive, loved life, and seemed invincible. Throughout the last several days as it became clear that her body was not going to defeat the two strands of pneumonia, her children and their spouses flew in from their international homes (Hong Kong and India) and her family gathered with her, reading Scripture and praying over her. Her husband did not leave her side.

And in the end, her family was relieved for her, even as all of us who loved her will grieve her, miss her, and wait to see her again.

Bedside vigils have touched my life a lot recently. Another good friend lost her grandmother last month; my mom has been with both of her parents at their deaths in the last few years. My father was with his dad at the end (and I was honored to be with him until a few hours before his death).

These vigils do nothing but convince me that death is merely a passing. They do not seem final; they are exhausting and beautiful, and difficult and reassuring all at the same time. Of course, all have believed and were resting in God's promise of mercy.

Today would have been my cousin Shannon's 40th birthday. As if I needed one more reminder to enjoy the precious gifts of the lives around me.

Through this I was talking with a friend that this really signaled a new era for many of us. Most of us have watched our parents lose their parents. And now, we realize, our turn is coming.

I'm heartened that the early church began the tradition of honoring the saints on the day of their death, rather than on their birthdates. Partly practical because dates of birth weren't always easy to know. Partly theological, because the day of death marked a new beginning. And for the martyrs in particular, their death was a triumph.

But for the Christian, a life lived for God's glory is a triumph. And Marlene lived life well. She touched the lives of thousands of children in her time as a school teacher. She loved and was loved by her husband, Tom, her children, and all of us who had the privilege of being in her presence.

Come August....

2011-06-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

...I'll be heading to the theatre to watch this:

My only fear is that I'm not sure how you do justice to the amazing book.

Putting Away Groceries

2011-06-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

Introducing....

2011-06-05T21:34:00.000-07:00

Very Light Suitcase

You will note that my name isn't used on my new blog. Unlike this one which is for people who have some real connection to me, the new one will hopefully generate a wider audience. So I will work a little harder to maintain privacy for my family.

Right now, as I'm initially getting started I would love any comments or emails with what you love, hate. Design is not my specialty and while I didn't come up with the map/airplane motif, I can and have manipulated fonts, colors, and where things are placed on the page. I'm still playing around but wanted to at least get started.

And then, please, please: Send me travel stories, pictures, and questions. Hopefully I'll find time to post about three times a week and update the Hot Deals section with some frequency.

Ready or not, welcome to www.verylightsuitcase.com.

Rachelle Writes

Oh, the Folly of Wives

The Terror of Potty-Training

Girls, Girls

Snow Progression

Hobble, Hobble

Oh, the Peace, oh the Cold, oh the "Let's Leave this Place."

Let it Snow!

Goals: Family (Part 1: My Parenting)

Snow! Snow! Snow!

Riding Bikes

January 12

Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday Ben! You've Come Along Way in 8 Years!

Goals and Tasks

Leaving Behind What is Past and Pressing On

Surprised by Oxford

Birthday Fun

Ode to Christmas

How Christmas Teaches Me I Will Never Be Enough (and That's Okay)

Everleigh

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

I'm So Busy....

And It Has Come to My Attention....

The Parent Getaway

My 2-year old

Say Anything

Thanksgiving

Where Have We Been?

All I Want for Christmas....

The Things They Do and Say (That Keep Me RUNNING)

The Things They Say

I Blog...

Happy Birthday Kyrie

Oh, the Mystery of 7-year olds

My Resignation

D.C. Part 2

Change of Plans

First Lost Tooth

The Family that Gets Intestinal Flu Together

West Virginia

Adventures in the Capitol

Education vs. Indoctrination

The Alarm Clocks

The College Admissions Talk

Relentless

Top News Items

2nd Edition

Fall and Football

The Getaway

Mini-Vac

Sisters

On Preschool and Academics

The Greatest Show on Earth

A 9/11 Reflection from my Uncle

John Stott on Singleness

RIP Ribbit

A Celebration

Week 1

August: Goodbye, Adios, Sayonara, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

Ribbit

Getting Away

Lego Camp & Bullying

Summer is Here...and Almost Over

"I'm Gonna Be Famous"-Ben

A Fast Train

Things That Warm My Heart

KOMO 4 covers political sign dispute in Tumwater

The End of Membership (for now)

Opportunity to Help

Adventures in Water

Swim Lessons

The Economy and Children

Summer Road Trip

On This Sunny Thursday....

Warm, Sunshine at the Beach

7 Quick Bits

Everleigh

Kyrie

Ben